December2012

FADE IN:

int. david’s bedroom - day.

DAVID - 18, short and baby-faced, is in his room packing, when his mother, LINDA - 49, pretty and sweet-looking, walks in.

linda

David, honey, are you ready to go?

david

I just need to say goodbye to my room. I’m going to be away from it for so long.

David opens the drawer of his night table and takes out a baby tooth.

david

Look, it’s the first tooth I lost.

linda

Boy, the way it’s decomposed so perfectly really justifies the $200 I put under your pillow for it.

David picks up a ribbon from his side table.

david

Aww, look at this. A participation award from my 8th grade science fair.

linda

Your project was so wonderful, it couldn’t be ranked.

david

Oh, and look, my senior prom pictures!

The camera zooms in on the prom picture. It shows David and his mom posing happily while his date is off to the side, pushed off and slightly angry.

david

I’ve had so many great memories in this room. I remember my very first night in it, when we first moved here, after you told me you were going to get to raise me all by yourself…

LINDA

(interrupting him)

I’m very happy to hear that, sweetie.

david

I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t go to college. Maybe I should just stay here and work my way up at ShopRite. Everyone always says their bread looks best when I’m their bagboy.

LINDA

Absolutely not. You are the brightest kid in this entire town, and I won’t let you waste your life away packing people’s pork chops. You may have had a good life here, but you’re going to go college, you’re going to find people who fall in love with you just as much as everyone here has, and you’re going to have the best four years of your life. Until the four years after that.


david

You’re right, Mom. You’re always right!

linda

That’s why they made me a mom!

David laughs far too hard at his mom’s joke. She giggles along with him, until eventually looking slightly confused.

CUT TO:

ext. david’s STREET - day.

David and his mother get into their car and begin driving through the neighborhood. MRS. APPLEBEE, watering her plants, sees them and begins waving.

mrs. APPLEBEE

Goodbye, David! Good luck at college!

david

Bye, Mrs. Applebee! Good luck with your rodent problem!

They drive off as the MAILMAN waves goodbye to David.

mailman

Good luck, David!

david

Thanks, back-up mailman!

They continue to drive through the neighborhood as several other groups, such as school children and senior citizens, wave goodbye to David. They then pass a POLICE OFFICER arresting a CRIMINAL. He stops mid-arrest to wave goodbye at David.

poliCE OFFICER

Bye, David!

david

Goodbye, officer!

criminal

Break a leg, kid!

david

Thanks, repeat offender!

They drive through the town and eventually reach the airport. They get out of the car and Linda begins to help David unpack his bags. Finally, the time has come for them to say goodbye. They hug tightly as he begins to walk away, then slowly turns around.

david

Don’t forget to write, mom!

LINDA

I thought I’d just text you.

david

Oh…uh, right.

David waves goodbye one last time.

CUT TO:

ext. airplane - day.

An establishing of an airplane as David makes the flight from Little Brooke, Indiana to Idell University in New Jersey.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university - day.

David walks through campus, dragging his suitcase with boxes piled on top of it. The sweeping guitar music continues as he looks  around at his surroundings. He stops for a moment, taking it all in. A large smiles comes across his face.

david

This is it. I’m…I’m home!

He smiles even wider - until a STUDENT pushes him.

student

What the hell, man? You’re blocking the entire walkway!

The music suddenly stops as David looks behind him and sees a small traffic jam of angry students.

david

Oh…uh…I’m…I’m sorry.

David walks off, slightly embarrassed. 

david

Okay, I just need to find Riverdale Dorms.

(taking out a map)

According to this, it’s in this building, the one that looks like…all of the other buildings. Oh! Here’s a map key. With only numbers. Oh, okay, it says to turn the map over and it’ll tell me which number each building is…and…wait, what? Is this Latin?

He puts the map down, frustrated.

david

I’ll just ask someone.

David approaches a student with earbuds.

david

Excuse me, do you know where the Riverdale dorms are?

The student ignores him. He looks confused, then approaches a MALE STUDENT who is clearly on some kind of drug. David is naive to this.

david

Hi, can you tell me where the Riverdale dorms are?

The student smiles. David smiles back. The student then begins to slowly stroke David’s face. David looks confused and slowly backs away. He then approaches a FEMALE STUDENT who has his back turned to him.

david

Excuse me, do you —?

female student

Stay away!

The female student takes pepper spray and sprays David in the face with it.

CUT TO:

int. riverdale dorms - day.

David finally approaches the Riverdale dorms, broken down and confused.

david

Well, that was…different. But it’s okay, because now I’m going to meet my roommate, and the best four years of my life are really going to begin.

David enters his dorm.

CUT TO:

int. david’s dorm - day.

The dorm is completely empty.

david

Okay, well…that’s alright. He’ll be here any minute.

David begins unpacking. He begins unpacking more and more. He continues to unpack and unpack until he has unpacked his entire room. He then sits around, waits, eats some snacks, and waits some more. Finally, hours later, JOE - 18, clothes and hair a mess, walks into the room.

david

Hi! Are - are you Joe?

joe

Yeah, why?

David looks a little thrown off by his appearance.

david

Well, uh, I’m - I’m your roommate!

joe

Oh, hi.

david

Hi! I’m David.

David extends his hand for a handshake. Joe looks confused and stares at it for a minute. He then lightly bumps his fist into David’s hand and walks off. David looks bewildered.

david

So, Joe, what kind of music do you —

Joe completely ignores David as he takes out a TV, places it on the desk, and hooks up a DVD player to it. He then opens a suitcase filled with DVDs, takes one out, and pops one in.

joe

Well, that wiped me out.

Joe then collapses onto his bed, totally relaxed. David looks confused as Joe opens his only other suitcase, which is full of snacks and junk food.

david

Are - uh,…are are those your only suitcases?

joe

Yeah, why?

david

You didn’t pack clothes? Or a toothbrush? Or anything needed to survive?

joe

Uh, I think you need food to survive.

Joe takes a bag of M&Ms and shoves them down his throat.

joe

Besides, they give us all of that stuff, don’t they?

david

I’m not sure. They might.  I mean, no. No, they definitely don’t. But it’s okay. You can borrow some of my stuff for now.

David looks at Joe, expecting a thank you, but instead gets an awkward silence. David pauses for a moment, trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

david

So where are you from?

joe

Boston.

david

Oh, wow, you’re from Boston? That’s a great place! I mean, I’ve never been there, but I bet it’s great. I love their cream!

joe

What? Oh, no, I’m not from Boston. I’m just…I’m uh, watching Cheers.

david

Oh, I love Cheers!

joe

Really?

david

Yeah, it’s a really good show. I mean, I haven’t seen too much, but it seems really funny.

joe

It is. And it had such great characters, you know? They were all different, but somehow fit together and became one of the best ensembles ever on TV.

david

Wow, that does sound great.

joe

I’ve never met my age who appreciates old sitcoms. I mean, most people had families. I had Nick at Nite.

David and Joe watch the show happily for a few seconds.

joe

Chocolate milk?

david

Uh - sure, okay.

Joe pulls a half gallon of milk and a tube of chocolate syrup out of his suitcase.

david

I mean, um…actually, I think I’m going to go into the lounge, wanna come with me?

joe

But…Cheers isn’t over yet.

david

Well, maybe you can pause it? And then we can watch it later?

Joe contemplates this for a moment.

joe

Alright, I guess I’ll come.

Joe pauses the DVD, grabs his milk and chocolate, and joins David on his way out. He is about to start pouring the chocolate into the milk.

joe

Oh, no. This milk is expired.

Joe throws the milk on the floor, takes the chocolate bottle, and squirts it in his mouth. David looks grossed out, but tries to smile through it.

CUT TO:

INT. RIVERDALE DORMS - DAY.

David and Joe walk out into the dorms and run into ASHLEY - 18, plain but pretty. She is hanging up a poster on a bulletin board.

ashley

Hi guys!

david

Hi, I’m Da —

ashley

Nice to meet you, I’m Ashley! I’m trying to spread awareness for an event I’m holding on campus this week to raise money for the hungry children of Africa.

david

Oh man, what a great cause! Where in Africa?

ashley

Uh…the…west part.

david

Oh…well, uh, sign me up. And you can sign my friend Joe up, too.

joe

Wait, what?

ashley

Thanks, you guys! You guys are my first official “yes”es. The closest I had gotten before was a “go to hell” and two attempted make-outs. I can’t take the stupid spoiled airheads at this school, caring about nothing other than their hair and staying thin. They should stop obsessing over the malnourished rich models in People Magazine and start obsessing over the malnourished poor children in Time Magazine.

david

Well, what about your roommate? She probably said yes, right?

ashley

Don’t even get me started on my roommates.

david

Oh no, why —

ashley

Shh!

david

What?

Ashley shushes David. A backing track to Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” can be heard vaguely playing in the background, with someone singing along to it.

joe

Is that your —

ashley

All day. It never, ever stops.

David and Joe look horrified.Then, Ashley smiles wide. She has a plan.

ashley

Hey! Wanna meet my roommates?

david

Sure! That sounds great!

joe

Uh, this isn’t what I—

Ashley ignores him and motions for them to follow her.

CUT TO:

int. girls’ dorm - day.

Ashley brings David and Joe into her dorm, where MIA - 18, eccentric-looking but beautiful, is looking in the mirror and belting loudly to Greatest Love of All and KELSEY - 19, messy-looking, is scrounging around through suitcases.

ashley

Hey, look! Look who’s going to participate in my Africa thing! These random guys! Doesn’t that make you guys feel bad?

mia

(belting, paying no attention)

I DECIDED LONG AGO/NEVER TO WALK IN ANYONE’S SHADOWS.

david

Uh, hi, everyone, I’m Dav —

ashley

Tell them, David! Tell them they basically have to do the event now!

kelsey

Is this Tylenol? Yep, we have to get rid of Tylenol.

She throws the Tylenol into the trash.

mia

NO MATTER WHAT THEY TAKE FROM ME/THEY CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY DIGNITY.

joe

…Are you sure you want to throw that away?

ashley

You know what?

mia

BECAUSE THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL…

Ashley shuts off her music. Mia pays no attention to this.

mia

IS HAPPENING TO MEEE…

ashley

Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, I’m talking!

Kelsey is holding a pill bottle.

kelsey

What is this? Foot fungus? Hmm…yep, this is a goner.

Kelsey tosses the bottle in the trash.

mia

Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to interrupt my performance to finally ask - what are you doing?

kelsey

I’m getting rid of anything that could possibly cause me to relapse from the crippling substance abuse problem I had through-out school. Whoops! Cat’s out of the bag, I was a teenage addict. My name is Kelsey and I used to be an alcoholic!

ashley

Okay, everyone stop, we’re talking about my thing now.

Mia

(ignoring her)

Oh, alright. Back to my performance!

(singing)

IF I FAIL/IF I SUCCEED…

ashley

No!

david

Guys!

Everyone goes right back to what they were doing before. Frustrated, Ashley is about to take a sack of textbooks and throw them at Kelsey and Mia, when David sees this and panics.

david

Guys!

He is ignored. David begins to panic. Joe notices this.

joe

(louder)

Guys!

Everyone stops.

joe

To do that, I pretended I was Alan Alda on MASH.

david

Look, I was thinking, it’s close to dinnertime, why don’t we all head to the dining hall and…well, talk? Get to know each other a little? Work this all out?

Everyone looks at each other.

ashley

Yes. Yes, what he said, I like what he said.

mia

My vocal chords could use some nutrients.

kelsey

Will there be alcohol in the dining hall?

david

Uh…no?

kelsey

Alright, I’ll go.

david

Okay. Uh…let’s…let’s go, then.

Everyone gets up and follows David outside of the room.

CUT TO:

INT. DINING HALL - DAY.

David, Joe, Ashley, Mia, and Kelsey are sitting at a table, eating dinner. David looks around happily, joyful that he’s found people to spend time with, Mia looks like she’s in her own world, Kelsey looks uneasy, and Ashley looks horrified. Joe, meanwhile, it happily munching down a plate of chicken wings, paying no attention to anything else.

joe

Mmm, honey and barbecue, how are you not disgusting?

Joe munches down more of the wings.

david

So where are all of you —

ashley

No!

david

What?

ashley

I’m sorry, it’s just…we have an empty chair.

david

Oh, you’re right. I’ll just give it to a table that needs it.

David gets up to bring the chair over, when Ashley grabs him.

ashley

You can’t do that!

david

Why not?

ashley

Because look around. Everyone else has six filled seats. If we only have five, it’ll make it look like we’re outcasts. Like we’re not fitting in.

mia

Who cares what other people think? Put the chair back, David.

ashley

No! If you do that, I will…I will leave!

joe

The sauce is so sweet, yet it has a pinch of a tang.

Mia

And go where? All of the other tables are filled, except for that one.

Mia points to a long table where TF - 18, dressed darkly, lonely looking - is sitting.

ashley

Well then…we need another person! I can’t live like this!

kelsey

I don’t think it’s a big deal. I sat alone all of the time in high school, and I turned out…

(beat)

…oh, I get it.

joe

Only one wing left? Time flies when you’re having fun.

david

Guys, why don’t we just ask him to sit with us? He’s all alone.

The group recants - “no!”.

ashley

Do you see him? He’s dressed in all black. There’s no way we’ll make it out of this dinner alive.

mia

Not to mention he probably smells like Hot Topic.

david

Oh come on, guys, that’s very closed-minded.

kelsey

I don’t know, I should be careful about who I’m associating with. I don’t know if my counselor would appreciate me talking to someone possessed by the devil.

joe

I’m going to try to savor this wing.

david

Well, I’m going to ask him.

David walks over to TF.

david

Hey, man! Do you wanna come sit with us?

TF ignores him.

david

Oh, sorry, I guess you didn’t hear me. Did you wanna come sit with us? We have an open seat.

tf

I said no.

david

No you didn’t.

TF glares at him.

david

Come on, it’ll be fun.

TF continues to glare at him, while David continues to smile back at him.

TF

Are you just going to keep doing that until I come?

david

Probably.

TF sighs, then gets his things. David looks accomplished. The rest of the group looks uneasy as TF takes a seat.

david

Hey, guys, this is…I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name, what is it?

tf

TF.

david

Oh, wow, looks like we’ve got a comedian at our table!

tf

No, that’s really my name.

Everyone looks confused.

ashley

Does it stand for something?

tf

Yes.

There’s an awkward silence as everyone waits for TF to tell them what it stands for. He never does.

joe

Alright, it’s done. My last chicken wing. It’s the end of an era, really.

Joe finishes his wing, then looks over at TF.

joe

Wait…what?

david

This is TF. He decided to join us. Anyway, I figure we’d start with a few icebreakers to get to know each other. Let’s all go around and say where we’re from. Who wants to start. No one? Okay, TF, you start.

tf

The United States.

david

Oh…uh, okay, well, we know you’re not an international student. Mia?

mia

I’m from Millview, New Jersey. It’s a small town that no one had ever heard of until my portrayal of Peter Pan from the musical Peter Pan won first place in the National High School Theater competition. As did my portrayl of Peter Pan from the musical Ragtime, and Peter Pan from the musical Grease, and Peter Pan from the musical Les Miserables…my school’s costume budget was not great, but they made up for it with their….me.

ashley

Yeah, well, I’m from Baytown High School and I put our town on the map too. I ran a bake sale to benefit tornado victims that was called the “best event to ever take place in town” by a local article.

Everyone looks suspicious.

ashley

…In our school paper.

Everyone still looks suspicious.

ashley

…That I wrote.

Everyone nods, no longer looking suspicious.

joe

Wait, Baytown High School? That’s the school I went to.

ashley

Really? Why didn’t I ever see you?

joe

Most people don’t.

david

Well, I guess I’m the only one here who isn’t from New Jersey.

ashley

Oh, Pennslyania?

Everyone groans.

david

No, I’m from Indiana, actually.

kelsey

Indiana?!

mia

That’s so…west.

joe

Do you have a cowboy hat?!

david

Uh, no?

ashley

So wait, if you’re from Indiana, how’d you even hear about us?

joe

Even I’ve never heard of this school.

david

I just googled colleges far away from home. I had a great life growing up, but I wanted something, well - different.

kelsey

Wow, I can’t believe I’m talking to someone from the west coast!

David looks confused.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university - night.

The group is walking out of the dining hall. As they are doing so, they pass a student selling hot pretzels.

pretzel student

Come get pretzels, pretzels, piping hot and for a good cause!

ashley

What’s the good cause?

pretzel student

My spring break in Italy! Also, love.

joe

Good enough for me!

Joe takes out money, and the rest of the group shrugs and does the same. The exception is TF, who tries to walk away, but David notices and pulls him back.

joe

I don’t get it, why do people say college is hard? So far I’ve just been eating a lot.

kelsey

I really shouldn’t be eating this many carbs. Wait, do pretzels have carbs? I don’t know, it just seemed like something I should say.

mia

I wouldn’t know. My parents never let me have them, they said all processed food was created by evil corporations to control everyone’s minds.

(munching down the pretzel)

But…maybe they’ve never had one.

David looks around at everyone enjoying their pretzels.

david

Look at us. All enjoying our pretzels together…

tf

I’m not enjoying my pretzel. I hate it. Can I leave now?

david

(ignoring him)

We’re just like our own little fam…

David stops himself as everyone begins giving him a weird look.

david

Uh, group of college students..enjoying a pretzel…together.

David smiles, as the rest of the group continues to enjoy their pretzel.

david

So what are we going to do now?

joe

Cheers!

david

No, I was kind of thinking —

ashley

I should organize my event. I actually have no idea what it’s going to be. A bake sale, maybe? A marathon? A bake sale followed by a marathon to burn off the calories? Ooh, maybe it can be about obesity, too. Nope, it’s Africa, they’re not obese in Afria. See? I have a lot of work to do. Bye!

david

But I was —

kelsey

I should go, too. This is the longest I’ve been outside in eight months, I need a nap.

david

But guys!

It’s too late. The rest of the group has already begun walking off. The only person left is TF.

david

Will you stay with me, TF?

TF stares at him for a few minutes. David waits patiently for an answer.

tf

No.

TF walks off. David looks bummed as he’s left alone with his pretzel. He sits on a bench and begins munching on it, depressed.

CUT TO:

int. idell university - night.

David begins walking around campus. He sees an assortment of college students, giggling around campus with their friends. He looks more and more angry and hurt every time he sees a happy, connected college group. After he seems one particularly joyful one, he drops his pretzel in the ground in anger. After a few seconds, he picks it back up.

david

That’s so rude of me. How could I do that? Someone spent a whole 10 or 11 minutes making that.

As he is grabbing the pretzel, CHRIS - 20, a trainwreck - notices him.

Chris

Are you about to eat a pretzel off of the ground?

david

Oh, no, I was just - I was just picking it up…wow, this must look really bad.

Chris

Dude, that’s awesome! I love eating things off the ground.

david

…Really?

Chris

No.

David looks confused.

Chris

Hey, are you doing anything tonight?

david

Well, I don’t know, the people on my floor might…

(thinking)

…no, no. I’m not.

Chris

Well, there’s gonna be a crazy ass party…crazy ass like crazy. There’s not going to be crazy asses at the party. Just kidding. There totally are!

David looks confused.

Chris

Anyway, it’s gonna be great. It starts at midnight. Be there or… don’t, I mean, it’s up to you, but you should go.

david

Yeah, you know what? I will. It’s nice to actually be invited to something rather than having to organize it myself. I’ll go!

Chris

Alright, awesome! It’s at my apartment on the west side of campus, right next to the campus police. I picked it on purpose! We like challenges.

david

So what should I bring? It might be a little late for soda…eh, I’ll do it anyway. What kind? Coke? Pepsi? No - I’ll get a little crazy, I’ll bring Mountain Dew!

Chris looks confused.

CUT TO:

int. riverdale dormS - night.

David walks into his floor of the dorms. Joe is outside of his dorm.

david

What are you doing here? Is Cheers over?

joe

Cheers will never be over. But yes, I have decided to stop watching it for now.

DAVID

Oh. Well, I can’t do anything, because I’m going to a party tonight.

joe

That’s okay. I think I’m going to watch a few episodes of The Cosby Show and then go to bed.

david

Alright…I mean, you - you could come with me if you want.

joe

No, parties aren’t really my thing. So many people.

Ashley comes out of her dorm.

ashley

Did I hear you say you’re going to a party? Where is it? I wanna go! Parties are the best. So many people!

david

It’s at this kid Chris’s apartment.

ashley

Chris? The one…the one by the police station?

david

Yeah, that’s him. It starts at midnight, so I’m going to bring some Mountain Dew, because wow! Mountain Dew at midnight! College is crazy.

ashley

Interesting. That’s - that’s really…that’s really…Joe, why don’t you come into my room?

joe

Why?

ashley

I’ll give you Starbursts.

joe

Okay.

Ashley pulls Joe into her room.

CUT TO:

int. girls’ dorm - night.

Mia is praciting to Hero by Mariah Carey while Kelsey is taking a nap.

ashley

Stop, stop, stop, everyone stop!

Ashley unplugs Mia’s music.

ashley

We have a real crisis on our hands!

mia

I know, but if you just plug my music back in and everything will be okay.

ashley

Not that.

joe

You’re out of Starbursts?!

ashley

Would everyone stop talking and listen for a minute?! David is going to a party tonight at Crazy Chris’s apartment.

kelsey

Oh God, Crazy Chris?

mia

Crazy Chris?!

joe

Who’s Crazy Chris?

mia

Oh, good, you don’t know either.

kelsey

Crazy Chris is the most messed up person at Idell University. When I told my support group I was going to Idell, they told me specifically to avoid him. And also the dean of the school of sciences. I hear he gets really rowdy at holiday parties.

ashley

And look at David. He’s small, he’s naiive, innocent. He might literally die if he goes to that party.

mia

But why’s it our responsibility? It’s his life. If he wants to kill himself at a college party, he has every right to do so.

ashley

It’s not, I guess. I just…thought you all should know.

joe

Can I get my Starbursts now?

Ashley takes a sleeve of Starbursts, picks out the pink ones, and hands them to Joe. He then walks out of the room.

CUT TO:

int. david and joe’s dorm - night.

Joe goes to take Cheers out of his DVD player. The DVD menu is playing the theme song in loop. He tries to open the DVD player, but it seems to be stuck. He angrily tries to ply it open a few times, when he notices a note by David next to the DVD player. It reads: “Joe, I went to the party. I took one of your Mountain Dews and a bag of potato chips, but then I felt bad, so I bought you two more Mountain Dews and three more bags of potato chips”. Joe looks at it and smiles, while the Cheers theme continues.

CUT TO:

int. girls’ dorm - night.

Mia has resumed her singing and Kelsey resumes her nap. Ashley is looking through her textbooks in her backpack when she stumbles upon a sign-up sheet for her event. She notices David’s name on it - and Joe’s name, written by David - and sighs, when Joe walks in.

joe

Guys, we need to go save David!

ashley

Let’s go!

mia

I’m in the middle of practicing!

kelsey

And I’m in the middle of sleeping!

joe

Are those things really more important than saving some random kid that you just met on your floor from a situation that may or may not be harmful?

mia

Uh, yes…

ashley

Joe, that’s not how you persuade people to do things. Here, watch me. Hey, guys, if you don’t come with me I’m never going to speak to either of you again.

They seem unphased.

ashley

And you can just forget about me inviting you to any parties.

They still seem unphased.

ashley

And if I ever get famous, I’m not going to promote your Twitter accounts on Follow Friday.

They still seem unphased.

ashley

Whatever, fine, stay here with your Mariah Carey songs and your dreams about rehab.

kelsey

Okay!

Ashley rolls her eyes. She’s about to walk out, when suddenly, Lean on Me comes up on Mia’s iPod. Ashley stops Joe from leaving. Mia is about to go up to the iPod and change it.

mia

Ugh. This is the one song I could never relate to.

Just ask she is about to change it, she looks over to Ashley, who is giving her a look to suggest she should come along. Mia gets it, and sighs.

mia

Alright. Let’s go.

kelsey

Wait, you’re going, too? Everyone’s going? Oh, then I’ll - I’ll come too! I have to be included in things. Doctor’s orders.

ashley

Then let’s go!

Everyone follows Ashley out of the door.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university; NEAR CHRIS’S APARTMENT - night.

We see David standing outside of Chris’s apartment. He knocks on the door. A RANDOM STUDENT answers.

DAVID

Uh, hi. Is Chris here?

student

Who’s Chris?

Chris pops up behind the student.

chris

I’m Chris!

DAVID

Oh, hi, Chris!

chris

I’m David. Remember, you invited me to your party?

chris

Oh, right! David! You live next door, right?

DAVID

No.

chris

Do you work in the dining hall?

DAVID

No.

chris

Are you the one dating my mom?

DAVID

No.

chris

Oh. Whatever. Just come in!

DAVID

Okay! Oh, I brought you these —

chris

Oh, thanks!

Chris takes the entire bottle of Mountain Dew and downs it.

chris

Woooo! I feel nothing!

David looks uneasy.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university; outside the dorms - night.

Joe and Ashley run out of the dorms.

ashley

Alright, so what’s our plan?

mia

Save Joe from Crazy Chris.

ashley

That’s our objective. What’s our plan?

kelsey

(confused)

Save Joe…from Crazy…Chris?

ashley

No! We need a detailed strategy that will lead us to the results we desire. Something clever, something with thought, something…are you biting that Starbursts wrapper?

joe

Sometimes there’s little pieces of Starbursts left behind.

ashley

This is not going to work.

Ashley looks around and sees TF sitting alone on a bench.

ashley

You!

She grabs him.

tf

What? No, I don’t —

ashley

Shut up.

TF looks confused as Ashley drags TF along and the rest follow. TF resists, but Ashley has a firm grasp on him.

CUT TO:

int. chris’s apartment - night.

David walks around the apartment, horrified by the ridiculous amount of drugs, drinking and grinding that is occuring around him. He attempts to work through it by approaching some couples on the dancefloor.

DAVID

Hi, I’m David! I —

The couple pulls him into their grinding.

DAVID

Oh, no, I don’t think - no, no thank you.

He just keeps getting more sucked in.

DAVID

Oh geez, how is…how is this happening?!

David is somehow being sucked into the grinding circle as if it’s quicksand. Just as this is happening, the rest of the group enters. They look just as confused as everyone else.

mia

This is…strange.

ashley

It’s like a high school dance only everyone’s actively tying to reproduce.

joe

I’m both horrified and intrigued. Like when I googled my mom.

kelsey

Oh, hi, Samantha! Hi, Phil! What’s up? Nice to see you guys, too!

(to the group)

Just so you know, those people are probably going to die pretty soon.

ashley

Does anyone see David?

joe

No, I think we might need to check under some of these people.

mia

Alright, well, let’s go!

ashley

Wait, Mia!

Ashley heads into the grinding vortex, but she’s quickly sucked in.

mia

Oh my God! What’s happening?!

ashley

You can’t just walk into people grinding! You’ll get sucked in!

mia

How was I supposed to know that?!

kelsey

Just take my hand, I’ll get you out!

ashley

No! We’ll get you later, Mia. Right now, we can’t waste any time!

kelsey

No! No one gets left behind. Take my hand.

Mia goes to grab Kelsey’s hand, while Ashley ignores her and runs off on her own. However, both Ashley and Kelsey wind up getting sucked into the vortex.

kelsey

Oh God!

mia

I guess it’s all up to Joe.

ashley

Well, we’re screwed. Joe, go and find David!

kelsey

No, hang on to us, pull us out!

ashley

No! Find David!

mia

Hang on to us!

joe

I can’t make decisions!

Joe runs into the crowd in an act of self-sabotage.

kelsey

Joe!

ashley

Wait, I see David!

kelsey

TF, it’s all up to you.

We see David trapped into the grinding vortex, calling for help as he gets deeper and depper into it.

david

Help! Someone help me!

kelsey

Someone may or may not be coming, David!

Kelsey runs after David, but winds up getting sucked in herself.

kelsey

Oh no! Someone’s massaging my foot!

mia

No, Kelsey!

ashley

Oh God, we’re going to die a sweaty, awkwardly erotic death!

joe

Wait, we still have TF!

ashley

TF, please, could you do this for us?

tf

Why should I?

mia

Come on, TF!

david

We’re counting on you!

tf

So?

ashley

If you do it, we won’t bother you ever again!

tf

Are you sure?

ashley

Yes, we promise. Right, guys?

They agree. TF sighs. As if he is Medusa, all of the grinders are perplexed, and stop grinding, freeing the group from the grinding vortex.

ashley

Wow, that might come in handy.

kelsey

TF! You saved us!

TF

Cool.

DAVID

And you guys…you guys saved me.

ashley

We figured it might be useful to have you alive for a while.

DAVID

But I thought you guys were all busy.

joe

Bill Cosby can wait.

DAVID

So, what do you guys wanna do now?

joe

I think I have an idea…

CUT TO:

int. david and joe’s dorm - night.

The entire group is sitting on Joe’s bed, eating junk food, and wathing Cheers.

ashley

If we’re going to be the Cheers cast, can I be the sassy curly-haired one?

joe

Carla? Sure. I think that works.

mia

No, I’m Carla. I’m the one with the strongest personality. And also the strongest voice.

(singing)

I’M STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY..

kelsey

I would say I’m Carla, because I have the darkest past.

joe

Why are you guys arguing over who’s Carla? You guys are weird.

Joe takes some starbursts and put them on brownie.

ashley

Whatever, I’m totally Carla!

mia

Come on, it’s definitely me!

David smiles as the bickering continues as the scene gradually zooms out.

FADE OUT.

END OF SHOW.

December2012

1 note

FADE IN:

int. david’s bedroom - day.

DAVID - 18, short and baby-faced, is in his room packing, when his mother, LINDA - 49, pretty and sweet-looking, walks in.

linda

David, honey, are you ready to go?

david

I just need to say goodbye to my room. I’m going to be away from it for so long.

David opens the drawer of his night table and takes out a baby tooth.

david

Look, it’s the first tooth I lost.

linda

Boy, the way it’s decomposed so perfectly really justifies the $200 I put under your pillow for it.

David picks up a ribbon from his side table.

david

Aww, look at this. A participation award from my 8th grade science fair.

linda

Your project was so wonderful, it couldn’t be ranked.

david

Oh, and look, my senior prom pictures!

The camera zooms in on the prom picture. It shows David and his mom posing happily while his date is off to the side, pushed off and slightly angry.

david

I’ve had so many great memories in this room. I remember my very first night in it, when we first moved here, after you told me you were going to get to raise me all by yourself…

LINDA

(interrupting him)

I’m very happy to hear that, sweetie.

david

I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t go to college. Maybe I should just stay here and work my way up at ShopRite. Everyone always says their bread looks best when I’m their bagboy.

LINDA

Absolutely not. You are the brightest kid in this entire town, and I won’t let you waste your life away packing people’s pork chops. You may have had a good life here, but you’re going to go college, you’re going to find people who fall in love with you just as much as everyone here has, and you’re going to have the best four years of your life, until the four years after that.


david

You’re right, Mom. You’re always right!

linda

That’s why they made me a mom!

David laughs far too hard at his mom’s joke. She giggles along with him, until eventually looking slightly confused.

CUT TO:

ext. david’s STREET - day.

David and his mother get into their car and begin driving through the neighborhood. MRS. APPLEBEE, watering her plants, sees them and begins waving.

mrs. APPLEBEE

Goodbye, David! Good luck at college!

david

Bye, Mrs. Applebee! Good luck with your rodent problem!

They drive off as the MAILMAN waves goodbye to David.

mailman

Good luck, David!

david

Thanks, back-up mailman!

They continue to drive through the neighborhood as several other groups, such as school children and senior citizens, wave goodbye to David. They then pass a POLICE OFFICER arresting a CRIMINAL. He stops mid-arrest to wave goodbye at David.

poliCE OFFICER

Bye, David!

david

Goodbye, officer!

criminal

Break a leg, kid!

david

Thanks, repeat offender!

They drive through the town and eventually reach the airport. They get out of the car and Linda begins to help David unpack his bags. Finally, the time has come for them to say goodbye. They hug tightly as he begins to walk away, then slowly turns around.

david

Don’t forget to write, mom!

LINDA

I thought I’d just text you.

david

Oh…uh, right.

David waves goodbye one last time.

CUT TO:

ext. airplane - day.

An establishing of an airplane as David makes the flight from Little Brooke, Indiana to Idell University in New Jersey.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university - day.

David walks through campus, dragging his suitcase with boxes piled on top of it. The sweeping guitar music continues as he looks  around at his surroundings. He stops for a moment, taking it all in. A large smiles comes across his face.

david

This is it. I’m…I’m home!

He smiles even wider - until a STUDENT pushes him.

student

What the hell, man? You’re blocking the entire walkway!

The music suddenly stops as David looks behind him and sees a small traffic jam of angry students.

david

Oh…uh…I’m…I’m sorry.

David walks off, slightly embarrassed. 

david

Okay, I just need to find Riverdale Dorms.

(taking out a map)

According to this, it’s in this building, the one that looks like…all of the other buildings. Oh! Here’s a map key. With only numbers. Oh, okay, it says to turn the map over and it’ll tell me which number each building is…and…wait, what? Is this French?

He puts the map down, frustrated.

david

I’ll just ask someone.

David approaches a student with earbuds.

david

Excuse me, do you know where the Riverdale dorms are?

The student ignores him. He looks confused, then approaches a MALE STUDENT who is clearly on some kind of drug. David is naive to this.

david

Hi, can you tell me where the Riverdale dorms are?

The student smiles. David smiles back. The student then begins to slowly stroke David’s face. David looks confused and slowly backs away. He then approaches a FEMALE STUDENT who has his back turned to him.

david

Excuse me, do you —?

female student

Stay away!

The female student takes pepper spray and sprays David in the face with it.

CUT TO:

int. riverdale dorms - day.

David finally approaches the Riverdale dorms, broken down and confused.

david

Well, that was…different. But it’s okay, because now I’m going to meet my roommate, and the best four years of my life are really going to begin.

David enters his dorm.

CUT TO:

int. david’s dorm - day.

The dorm is completely empty.

david

Okay, well…that’s alright. He’ll be here any minute.

David begins unpacking. He begins unpacking more and more. He continues to unpack and unpack until he has unpacked his entire room. He then sits around, waits, eats some snacks, and waits some more. Finally, hours later, JOE - 18, clothes and hair a mess, walks into the room.

david

Hi! Are - are you Joe?

joe

Yeah, why?

David looks a little thrown off by his appearance.

david

Well, uh, I’m - I’m your roommate!

joe

Oh, hi.

david

Hi! I’m David.

David extends his hand for a handshake. Joe looks confused and stares at it for a minute. He then lightly bumps his fist into David’s hand and walks off. David looks bewildered.

david

So, Joe, what kind of music do you —

Joe completely ignores David as he takes out a TV, places it on the desk, and hooks up a DVD player to it. He then opens a suitcase filled with DVDs, takes one out, and pops one in.

joe

Well, that wiped me out.

Joe then collapses onto his bed, totally relaxed. David looks confused as Joe opens his only other suitcase, which is full of snacks and junk food.

david

Are - uh,…are are those your only suitcases?

joe

Yeah, why?

david

You didn’t pack clothes? Or a toothbrush? Or anything needed to survive?

joe

Uh, I think you need food to survive.

Joe takes a bag of M&Ms and shoves them down his throat.

joe

Besides, they give us all of that stuff, don’t they?

david

I’m not sure. They might.  I mean, no. No, they definitely don’t. But it’s okay. You can borrow some of my stuff for now.

David looks at Joe, expecting a thank you, but instead gets an awkward silence. David pauses for a moment, trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

david

So where are you from?

joe

Boston.

david

Oh, wow, you’re from Boston? That’s a great place! I mean, I’ve never been there, but I bet it’s great. I love their cream!

joe

What? Oh, no, I’m not from Boston. I’m just…I’m uh, watching Cheers.

david

Oh, I love Cheers!

joe

Really?

david

Yeah, it’s a really good show. I mean, I haven’t seen too much, but it seems really funny.

joe

It is. And it had such great characters, you know? They were all different, but somehow fit together and became one of the best ensembles ever on TV.

david

Wow, that does sound great.

joe

I’ve never met my age who appreciates old sitcoms. I mean, most people had families. I had Nick at Nite.

David and Joe watch the show happily for a few seconds.

joe

Chocolate milk?

david

Uh - sure, okay.

Joe pulls a half gallon of milk and a tube of chocolate syrup out of his suitcase.

david

I mean, um…actually, I think I’m going to go into the lounge, wanna come with me?

joe

But…Cheers isn’t over yet.

david

Well, maybe you can pause it? And then we can watch it later?

Joe contemplates this for a moment.

joe

Alright, I guess I’ll come.

Joe pauses the DVD, grabs his milk and chocolate, and joins David on his way out. He is about to start pouring the chocolate into the milk.

joe

Oh, no. This milk is expired.

Joe throws the milk on the floor, takes the chocolate bottle, and squirts it in his mouth. David looks grossed out, but tries to smile through it.

CUT TO:

INT. RIVERDALE DORMS - DAY.

David and Joe walk out into the dorms and run into ASHLEY - 18, plain but pretty. She is hanging up a poster on a bulletin board.

ashley

Hi guys!

david

Hi, I’m Da —

ashley

Nice to meet you, I’m Ashley! I’m trying to spread awareness for an event I’m holding on campus this week to raise money for the hungry children of Africa.

david

Oh man, what a great cause! Where in Africa?

ashley

Uh…the…west part.

david

Oh…well, uh, sign me up. And you can sign my friend Joe up, too.

joe

Wait, what?

ashley

Thanks, you guys! You guys are my first official “yes”es. The closest I had gotten before was a “go to hells” and two attempted make-outs. I can’t take the stupid spoiled airheads at this school, caring about nothing other than their hair and staying thin. They should stop obsessing over the malnourished rich models in People Magazine and start obsessing over the malnourished poor children in Time Magazine.

david

Well, what about your roommate? She probably said yes, right?

ashley

Don’t even get me started on my roommates.

david

Oh no, why —

ashley

Shh!

david

What?

Ashley shushes David. A backing track to Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” can be heard vaguely playing in the background, with someone singing along to it.

joe

Is that your —

ashley

All day. It never, ever stops.

David and Joe look horrified.

ashley

But now that you guys are going to do it, they have to do it. I mean, they’re my roommates. They’d look really bad if they weren’t there and other people were.

david

Well, I don’t know, maybe they’re just…busy.

Ashley smiles wide. She has a plan.

ashley

Hey! Wanna meet my roommates?

david

Sure! That sounds great!

joe

Uh, this isn’t what I—

Ashley ignores him and motions for them to follow her.

CUT TO:

int. girls’ dorm - day.

Ashley brings David and Joe into her dorm, where MIA - 18, eccentric-looking but beautiful, is looking in the mirror and belting loudly to Greatest Love of All and KELSEY - 19, messy-looking, is scrounging around through suitcases.

ashley

Hey, look! Look who’s going to participate in my Africa thing! These random guys! Doesn’t that make you guys feel bad?

mia

(belting, paying no attention)

I DECIDED LONG AGO/NEVER TO WALK IN ANYONE’S SHADOWS.

david

Uh, hi, everyone, I’m Dav —

ashley

Tell them, David! Tell them they basically have to do the event now!

kelsey

Is this Tylenol? Yep, we have to get rid of Tylenol.

She throws the Tylenol into the trash.

mia

NO MATTER WHAT THEY TAKE FROM ME/THEY CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY DIGNITY.

joe

…Are you sure you want to throw that away?

ashley

You know what?

mia

BECAUSE THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL…

Ashley shuts off her music. Mia pays no attention to this.

mia

IS HAPPENING TO MEEE…

ashley

Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, I’m talking!

Kelsey is holding a pill bottle.

kelsey

What is this? Foot fungus? Hmm…yep, this is a goner.

Kelsey tosses the bottle in the trash.

mia

Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to interrupt my performance to finally ask - what are you doing?

kelsey

I’m getting rid of anything that could possibly cause me to relapse from the crippling substance abuse problem I had through-out school. Whoops! Cat’s out of the bag, I was a teenage addict. My name is Kelsey and I used to be an alcoholic!

ashley

Okay, everyone stop, we’re talking about my thing now.

Mia

(ignoring her)

Oh, alright. Back to my performance!

(singing)

IF I FAIL/IF I SUCCEED…

ashley

No!

david

Guys!

Everyone goes right back to what they were doing before. Frustrated, Ashley is about to take a sack of textbooks and throw that at Kelsey and Mia, when David sees this and panics.

david

Guys!

He is ignored. David begins to panic. Joe notices this.

joe

(louder)

Guys!

Everyone stops.

joe

To do that, I pretended I was Alan Alda on MASH.

david

Look, I was thinking, it’s close to dinnertime, why don’t we all head to the dining hall and…well, talk? Get to know each other a little? Work this all out?

Everyone looks at each other.

ashley

Yes. Yes, what he said, I like what he said.

mia

My vocal chords could use some nutrients.

kelsey

Will there be alcohol in the dining hall?

david

Uh…no?

kelsey

Alright, I’ll go.

david

Okay. Uh…let’s…let’s go, then.

Everyone gets up and follows David outside of the room.

CUT TO:

INT. DINING HALL - DAY.

David, Joe, Ashley, Mia, and Kelsey are sitting at a table, eating dinner. David looks around happily, joyful that he’s found people to spend time with, Mia looks like she’s in her own world, Kelsey looks uneasy, and Ashley looks horrified. Joe, meanwhile, it happily munching down a plate of chicken wings, paying no attention to anything else.

joe

Mmm, honey and barbecue, how are you not disgusting?

Joe munches down more of the wings.

david

So where are all of you —

ashley

No!

david

What?

ashley

I’m sorry, it’s just…we have an empty chair.

david

Oh, you’re right. I’ll just give it to a table that needs it.

David gets up to bring the chair over, when Ashley grabs him.

ashley

You can’t do that!

david

Why not?

ashley

Because look around. Everyone else has six filled seats. If we only have five, it’ll make it look like we’re outcasts. Like we’re not fitting in.

mia

Who cares what other people think? Put the chair back, David.

ashley

No! If you do that, I will…I will leave!

joe

The sauce is so sweet, yet it has a pinch of a tang.

Mia

And go where? All of the other tables are filled, except for that one.

Mia points to a long table where TF - 18, dressed darkly, lonely looking - is sitting.

ashley

Well then…we need another person! I can’t live like this!

kelsey

I don’t think it’s a big deal. I sat alone all of the time in high school, and I turned out…

(beat)

…oh, I get it.

joe

Only one wing left? Time flies when you’re having fun.

david

Guys, why don’t we just ask him to sit with us? He’s all alone.

The group recants - “no!”.

ashley

Do you see him? He’s dressed in all black. There’s no way we’ll make it out of this dinner alive.

mia

Not to mention he probably smells like Hot Topic.

david

Oh come on, guys, that’s very closed-minded.

kelsey

I don’t know, I should be careful about who I’m associating with. I don’t know if my counselor would appreciate me talking to someone possessed by the devil.

joe

I’m going to try to savor this wing.

david

Well, I’m going to ask him.

David walks over to TF.

david

Hey, man! Do you wanna come sit with us?

TF ignores him.

david

Oh, sorry, I guess you didn’t hear me. Did you wanna come sit with us? We have an open seat.

tf

I said no.

david

No you didn’t.

TF glares at him.

david

Come on, it’ll be fun.

tf

Even more reason not to go.

david

Well, okay, if you want to keep sitting here all alone…

tf

I do.

david

All by yourself, just you and your macaroni…

tf

Sounds good.

david

No one there to comfort you…

tf

Thank God.

david

No one by your side…

TF

Good!

david

No one to…

TF

Are you just going to keep going until I come?

david

Probably.

TF sighs, then gets his things. David looks accomplished. The rest of the group looks uneasy as TF takes a seat.

david

Hey, guys, this is…I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name, what is it?

tf

TF.

david

Oh, wow, looks like we’ve got a comedian at our table!

tf

No, that’s really my name.

Everyone looks confused.

ashley

Does it stand for something?

tf

Yes.

There’s an awkward silence as everyone waits for TF to tell them what it stands for. He never does.

joe

Alright, it’s done. My last chicken wing. It’s the end of an era, really.

Joe finishes his wing, then looks over at TF.

joe

Wait…what?

david

This is TF, Joe. He decided to join us. Anyway, I figure we’d start with a few icebreakers to get to know each other. Let’s all go around and say where we’re from. Who wants to start. No one? Okay, TF, you start.

tf

The United States.

david

Oh…uh, okay, well, we know you’re not an international student. Mia?

mia

I’m from Millview, New Jersey. It’s a small town that no one had ever heard of until my portrayl of Peter Pan from the musical Peter Pan won first place in the National High School Theater competition. As did my portrayl of Peter Pan from the musical Ragtime, and Peter Pan from the musical Grease, and Peter Pan from the musical Les Miserables…my school’s costume budget was not great, but they made up for it with their….me.

ashley

Yeah, well, I’m from Baytown High School and I put our town on the map too. I ran a bake sale to benefit tornado victims that was called the “best event to ever take place in town” by a newspaper.

Everyone looks suspicious.

ashley

…In our school paper.

Everyone still looks suspicious.

ashley

…That I wrote.

Everyone nods, no longer looking suspicious.

joe

Wait, Baytown High School? That’s the school I went to.

ashley

Really? Why didn’t I ever see you?

joe

Most people don’t.

david

Well, I guess I’m the only one here who isn’t from New Jersey.

ashley

Oh, Pennslyania?

Everyone groans.

david

No, I’m from Indiana, actually.

kelsey

Indiana?!

mia

That’s so…west.

joe

Do you have a cowboy hat?!

david

Uh, no?

ashley

So wait, if you’re from Indiana, how’d you even hear about us?

joe

Even I’ve never heard of this school.

david

Where I hear about everything. The internet!

ashley

So you just randomly googled Idell University and hoped maybe it existed?

mia

Maybe he was looking for schools with excellent theater departments.

david

No, I just googled colleges on the East Coast. I had a great life at home, but I wanted omething…different. So I looked in other places.

kelsey

Wow, I can’t believe I’m talking to someone from the west coast!

David looks confused.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university - night.

The group is walking out of the student center.

david

Wow, that was a lot of fun, guys! I’m so glad we did this!

mia

November2012

1 note

int. girls’ dorm - day.

Ashley brings David and Joe into her dorm, where MIA - 18, eccentric-looking but beautiful, is looking in the mirror and belting loudly to Greatest Love of All and KELSEY - 19, messy-looking, is scrounging around through suitcases.

ashley

Hey, look! Look who’s going to participate in my Africa thing! These random guys! Doesn’t that make you guys feel bad?

mia

(belting, paying no attention)

I DECIDED LONG AGO/NEVER TO WALK IN ANYONE’S SHADOWS.

david

Uh, hi, everyone, I’m Dav —

ashley

Tell them, David! Tell them they basically have to do the event now!

kelsey

Is this Tylenol? Yep, we have to get rid of Tylenol.

She throws the Tylenol into the trash.

mia

NO MATTER WHAT THEY TAKE FROM ME/THEY CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY DIGNITY.

joe

…Are you sure you want to throw that away?

ashley

You know what?

mia

BECAUSE THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL…

Ashley shuts off her music. Mia pays no attention to this.

mia

IS HAPPENING TO MEEE…

ashley

Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, I’m talking!

Kelsey is holding a pill bottle.

kelsey

What is this? Foot fungus? Hmm…yep, this is a goner.

Kelsey tosses the bottle in the trash.

mia

Okay, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to interrupt my performance to finally ask - what are you doing?

kelsey

I’m getting rid of anything that could possibly cause me to relapse from the crippling substance abuse problem I had through-out school. Whoops! Cat’s out of the bag, I was a teenage addict. My name is Kelsey and I used to be an alcoholic!

ashley

Okay, everyone stop, we’re talking about my thing now.

Mia

(ignoring her)

Oh, alright. Back to my performance!

(singing)

IF I FAIL/IF I SUCCEED…

ashley

No!

david

Guys!

Everyone goes right back to what they were doing before. Frustrated, Ashley is about to take a sack of textbooks and throw that at Kelsey and Mia, when David sees this and panics.

david

Guys!

He is ignored. David begins to panic. Joe notices this.

joe

(louder)

Guys!

Everyone stops.

joe

To do that, I pretended I was Alan Alda on MASH.

david

Look, I was thinking, it’s close to dinnertime, why don’t we all head to the dining hall and…well, talk? Get to know each other a little? Work this all out?

Everyone looks at each other.

ashley

Yes. Yes, what he said, I like what he said.

mia

My vocal chords could use some nutrients.

kelsey

Will there be alcohol in the dining hall?

david

Uh…no?

kelsey

Alright, I’ll go.

david

Okay. Uh…let’s…let’s go, then.

Everyone gets up and follows David outside of the room.

November2012

1 note

INT. RIVERDALE DORMS - DAY.

David and Joe walk out into the dorms and run into ASHLEY - 18, plain but pretty. She is hanging up a poster on a bulletin board.

ashley

Hi guys!

david

Hi, I’m Da —

ashley

Nice to meet you, I’m Ashley! I’m trying to spread awareness for an event I’m holding on campus this week to raise money for the hungry children of Africa.

david

Oh man, what a great cause! Where in Africa?

ashley

Uh…the…west part.

david

Oh…well, uh, sign me up. And you can sign my friend Joe up, too.

joe

Wait, what?

ashley

Thanks, you guys! You guys are my first official “yes”es. The closest I had gotten before was a “go to hells” and two attempted make-outs. I can’t take the stupid spoiled airheads at this school, caring about nothing other than their hair and staying thin. They should stop obsessing over the malnourished rich models in People Magazineand start obsessing over the malnourished poor children in Time Magazine.

david

Well, what about your roommate? She probably said yes, right?

ashley

Don’t even get me started on my roommates.

david

Oh no, why —

ashley

Shh!

david

What?

Ashley shushes David. A backing track to Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” can be heard vaguely playing in the background, with someone singing along to it.

joe

Is that your —

ashley

All day. It never, ever stops.

David and Joe look horrified.

November2012

CUT TO:

ext. david’s STREET - day.

David and his mother get into their car and begin driving through the neighborhood. MRS. APPLEBEE, watering her plants, sees them and begins waving.

mrs. APPLEBEE

Goodbye, David! Good luck at college!

david

Bye, Mrs. Applebee! Good luck with your rodent problem!

They drive off as the MAILMAN waves goodbye to David.

mailman

Good luck, David!

david

Thanks, back-up mailman!

They continue to drive through the neighborhood as several other groups, such as school children and senior citizens, wave goodbye to David. They then pass a POLICE OFFICER arresting a CRIMINAL. He stops mid-arrest to wave goodbye at David.

poliCE OFFICER

Bye, David!

david

Goodbye, officer!

criminal

Break a leg, kid!

david

Thanks, repeat offender!

They drive through the town and eventually reach the airport. They get out of the car and Linda begins to help David unpack his bags. Finally, the time has come for them to say goodbye. They hug tightly as he begins to walk away, then slowly turns around.

david

Don’t forget to write, mom!

LINDA

I thought I’d just text you.

david

Oh…uh, right.

David waves goodbye one last time.

CUT TO:

ext. airplane - day.

An establishing of an airplane as David makes the flight from Little River, Indiana to Idell University in New Jersey.

CUT TO:

ext. idell university - day.

David walks through campus, dragging his suitcase with boxes piled on top of it. The sweeping guitar music continues as he looks  around at his surroundings. He stops for a moment, taking it all in. A large smiles comes across his face.

david

This is it. I’m…I’m home!

He smiles even wider - until a STUDENT pushes him.

student

What the hell, man? You’re blocking the entire walkway!

The music suddenly stops as David looks behind him and sees a small traffic jam of angry students.

david

Oh…uh…I’m…I’m sorry.

November2012

1 note

FADE IN:

int. david’s bedroom - day.

DAVID - 18, short and baby-faced, is in his room packing, when his mother, LINDA - 49, pretty and sweet-looking, walks in.

linda

David, honey, are you ready to go?

david

I just need to say goodbye to my room. I’m going to be away from it for so long.

David opens the drawer of his night table and takes out a baby tooth.

david

Look, it’s the first tooth I lost.

linda

Boy, the way it’s decomposed so perfectly really justifies the $200 I put under your pillow for it.

David picks up a ribbon from his side table.

david

Aww, look at this. A participation award from my 8th grade science fair.

linda

Your project was so wonderful, it couldn’t be ranked.

david

Oh, and look, my senior prom pictures!

The camera zooms in on the prom picture. It shows David and his mom posing happily while his date is off to the side, pushed off and slightly angry.

david

I’ve had so many great memories in this room. I remember my very first night in it, when we first moved here, after you told me you were going to get to raise me all by yourself…

LINDA

(interrupting him)

I’m very happy to hear that, sweetie.

david

I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t go to college. Maybe I should just stay here and work my way up at ShopRite. Everyone always says their bread looks best when I’m their bagboy.

LINDA

Absolutely not. You are the brightest kid in this entire town, and I won’t let you waste your life away packing people’s pork chops. You may have had a good life here, but you’re going to go college, you’re going to find people who fall in love with you just as much as everyone here has, and you’re going to have the best four years of your life, until the four years after that.


david

You’re right, Mom. You’re always right!

linda

That’s why they made me a mom!

David laughs far too hard at his mom’s joke. She giggles along with him, until eventually looking slightly confused.

November2012

1 note

int. dorm room; night

David is alone in his dorm room, moving his stuff in, when JOE - 18, clothes and hair a mess, walks in, much later than he was supposed to.

david

Hi! Are - are you Joe?

joe

Yeah, why?

David looks a little thrown off by his appearance.

david

Well, uh, I’m - I’m your roommate!

joe

Oh, hi.

david

Hi! I’m David.

David extends his hand for a handshake. Joe looks confused and stares at it for a minute. He then lightly bumps his fist into David’s hand and walks off. David looks bewildered. Joe then tries to turn on the TV that David has placed.

david

So, Joe, what kind of music do you —

Joe completely ignores David as he takes out a TV, places it on the desk, and hooks up a DVD player to it. He then opens a suitcase filled with DVDs, takes one out, and pops one in.

joe

Well, that wiped me out.

Joe then collapses onto his bed, totally relaxed. David looks confused as Joe opens his only other suitcase, which is full of snacks and junk food.

david

Are - uh,…are are those your only suitcases?

joe

Yeah, why?

david

You didn’t pack clothes? Or a toothbrush? Or anything needed to survive?

joe

Uh, I think you need food to survive.

Joe takes a bag of M&Ms and shoves them down his throat.

joe

Besides, they give us all of that stuff, don’t they?

david

I’m not sure. They might.  I mean, no. No, they definitely don’t. But it’s okay. You can borrow some of my stuff for now.

David looks at Joe, expecting a thank you, but instead gets an awkward silence. David pauses for a moment, trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

david

So where are you from?

joe

Boston.

david

Oh, wow, you’re from Boston? That’s a great place! I mean, I’ve never been there, but I bet it’s great. I love their cream!

joe

What? Oh, no, I’m not from Boston. I’m just…I’m uh, watching Cheers.

david

Oh, I love Cheers!

joe

Really?

david

Yeah, it’s a really good show. I mean, I haven’t seen too much, but it seems really funny.

joe

It is. And it had such great characters, you know? They were all different, but somehow fit together and became one of the best ensembles ever on TV.

david

Wow, that does sound great.

joe

I’ve never met my age who appreciates old sitcoms. I mean, most people had families. I had Nick at Nite.

David and Joe watch the show happily for a few seconds.

joe

Chocolate milk?

david

Uh - sure, okay.

Joe pulls a half gallon of milk and a tube of chocolate syrup out of his suitcase.

david

I mean, um…actually, I think I’m going to go into the lounge, wanna come with me?

joe

But…Cheers isn’t over yet.

david

Well, maybe you can pause it? And then we can watch it later?

Joe contemplates this for a moment.

joe

Alright, I guess I’ll come.

Joe pauses the DVD, grabs his milk and chocolate, and joins David on his way out. He is about to start pouring the chocolate into the milk.

joe

Oh, no. This milk is expired.

Joe throws the milk on the floor, takes the chocolate bottle, and squirts it in his mouth. David looks grossed out, but tries to smile through it.

November2012

1 note

hi

int. dorm room; night

David is alone in his dorm room, moving his stuff in, when JOE walks in, much later than he was supposed to.

david

Oh, hi! Are you Joe?

joe

Yeah, why?

david

Well, it’s just, uh…I’m…I’m your roommate!

joe

Oh, hi.

david

Hi! I’m David.

David extends his hand for a handshake. Joe looks confused and stares at it for a minute. He then lightly bumps his fist into David’s hand and walks off. David looks bewildered. Joe then tries to turn on the TV that David has placed.

david

So, Joe, what kind of —

(noticing Joe with the TV)

Oh, we don’t have cable yet.

joe

We…we what?

david

They haven’t hooked up the cable yet. I think they’re going to do it later tonight. But it’s okay, we can —

Joe rushes to one of his suitcases and cracks it open. It’s full of DVDs and a DVD player. He then immediately hooks up the DVD player and pops in a DVD.

joe

Well, that wiped me out.

Joe then collapses onto his bed, totally relaxed. David looks slightly confused as Joe opens his only other suitcase, which is full of snacks and junk food.

david

Are those your only suitcases?

joe

Yeah, why?

david

You didn’t pack clothes? Or a toothbrush? Or anything needed to survive?

joe

Uh, I think you need food to survive.

Joe takes a bag of M&Ms and shoves them down his throat.

joe

Besides, they give us all of that stuff, don’t they?

david

I’m not sure. They might.  I mean, no. No, they definitely don’t. But it’s okay. You can borrow some of my stuff for now.

Joe gives a half-hearted smile, but is mostly invested in his M&Ms and his TV show.

david

So where are you from?

joe

Boston.

david

Oh, wow, you’re from Boston? That’s a great place! I mean, I’ve never been there, but I bet it’s great. I love their cream!

joe

What? Oh, no, I’m not from Boston. I’m just…I’m uh, watching Cheers.

david

Oh, I love Cheers!

joe

Really? It’s the best sitcom ever, right? The characters on it were just so incredibly devoted to each other, and they all had such great chemistry.

David goes and sits next to Joe. Joe moves away a bit.

david

Yeah, it’s a really good show. I mean, I haven’t seen too much, but it seems really funny.

joe

I’ve never met anyone my age who appreciates old sitcoms. I mean, most people had families. I had Nick at Nite.

David and Joe watch the show happily for a few seconds.

joe

Chocolate milk?

david

Uh - sure, okay.

Joe pulls a half gallon of milk and a tube of chocolate syrup out of his suitcase.

david

I mean, um…actually, I think I’m going to go into the lounge, wanna come with me?

joe

But…Cheers isn’t over yet.

david

It’s a DVD.

Joe contemplates this for a moment.

joe

Alright, I guess I’ll come.

Joe pauses the DVD, grabs his milk and chocolate, and joins David on his way out. He is about to start pouring the chocolate into the milk.

joe

Oh, no. This milk is AAexpired.

Joe throws the milk on the floor, takes the chocolate bottle, and squirts it in his mouth. David looks grossed out, but smiles through it.

coming soon!

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